Gods Perfect Plan

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Parents: Chad and Roxanne Message
Children: Summer and Jagger message aged 5 And 3 Respectively

INTRO	Thank you for allowing us a glimpse into your adoption journey and beautiful family unit Messages. We are both moved and inspired by you four, as I am sure other families following your story will be too.

Q1	Can you tell HOLAH and our followers a little bit about what brought you both to the decision to adopt a child? And then a second child? Perhaps even a 3rd instore??? 🙂
From the minute we got married in 2012 we had our hearts set on expanding our family and becoming parents. Sadly we didn’t set out on the adoption journey from the outset although we truly believe this was always Gods destiny for our family. We experienced 5 years of infertility which included 2 failed artificial inseminations, 6 failed rounds of IVF and a miscarriage. However after both of us undergoing every test under the sun, not a single doctor could give us any answers as to why we couldn't fall pregnant. We were both fit and healthy and every test came back completely normal. In our hearts, we knew all along why . . . it just simply wasn't Gods plan for us to start our family that way. I so wish we could go back and adopt from the outset as I never want my children to think they were our 2nd choice. We were sadly lead by society who tells you that you need to have biological children in order to start your family and coupled with immense fear of the unknown surrounding adoption. We always knew we wanted 2 children so when our eldest was 2 years old, it was an easy decision to then start the adoption process again. From our IVF treatments we still had an embryo frozen however after we adopted our first child we had no interest in trying for a biological child and since donated our embryo. Our prayer is that it would become a healthy baby and could make another set of parents as happy as we are with our blessings. The jump from 1 child to 2 was a big one for us so we are most certainly done and extremely happy with our pigeon pair.
Q2	Were you both on the same page with this decision from early on or was it something you took time to reach an agreement on?
I had always had a longing to volunteer at a baby home but subconsciously I think I knew how the story was going to end. Fear unfortunately kept me from joining for far longer than it should have. Eventually in 2015 I joined the Durban North Baby Home and what an incredible experience that was. It was so fulfilling to be able to visit the home and love and care for the children they housed. The children were all such blessings and each touched my life in a different and memorable way. Jo who ran the baby home had adopted herself and after sharing our journey suggested I get in touch with her social work to start the adoption screening process. The idea was to complete the screening process so that if/when we decided we wanted to adopt then we were ready to be matched with a baby. My husband was a bit more apprehensive than me on adopting but once we had started the screening process any doubt he had soon disappeared. Shortly into the screen process we both agreed that adopting was 100% what we wanted to do and were eager to be matched with a baby ASAP.
Q3	Can you tell us a little bit about your daughter Summer? Incl at what age she was placed with you both, her forever family?
Summer is an affectionate, energetic, thrill seeking 5 year old. She came home to us when she was 6 months old weighing and was a tiny 3,3kgs. She had been born at 29 weeks weighing 980g. She has done phenomenally well with her development and never fails to amaze us with her tenacity. She is the fire cracker in our household and keeps us on our toes daily.
Q4	Can you tell us a little bit about your son, Jagger? Incl at what age he was placed with you both, his forever family?
Jagger is a soft natured, quiet and cuddly 3 year old. He came to us when he was just 3 weeks old. We were incredibly lucky to be matched with him soon after he was born. He is very independent and is our easy going child.
Q5	Has their sibling bonding [& typical sibling rivalry!] been something that has come naturally?
Adopting Jagger was a big adjustment for Summer, understandably. We didn’t have much notice that we would be bringing Jagger home so had little time to prepare her for this big change in our family. She struggled initially but with time and play therapy she slowly began to accept the new addition the family. Lockdown was the absolute best thing that could have happened to our family as it gave our children amazing quality time together and cemented their special bond. Jagger has absolutely adores his older sister from the get go and mimics everything she does, much to her annoyance.
Q6	What, in your opinion @Rox has been the greatest highlight of adopting your children? [besides motherhood itself!]
Breaking stereotypes. Adoption is such an incredible journey that opens up minds and softens hearts to new alternatives that people havent previously considered. People start to be open to the idea that you don’t all have to look the same to be a family. It starts constructive conversations around race and racism.
Q7	What in your opinion @chad has been the greatest highlight of adopting your children? [besides fatherhood itself!]
There are a number greatest highlights, but for me the ones which have brought our extended family and friends together stand out, as well as learning what true resilience looks like. Summer has overcome such difficulties from an early age and she just powers through with such resilience and ease. Our children have really changed my perception on life balance, the importance of time with family, friends and doing things outside of our comfort zone, something as simple as camping, to reinforce theirs and our grounding.
Q8	if you could give HOLAH friends and followers, who are considering fostering or adopting a child but have too many uncertainties around the idea, one word of encouragement and / or advise, what would it be?
Don’t let fear hold you back from the greatest blessing you will ever receive. Adoption will exceed even your wildest dreams and unleash in your heart a love you never knew you possessed. No parenthood journey is without its struggles but the lows only make the highs that much higher.